| From | Message |
|---|---|
| Jennifer 10/16/05 |
Subject: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma
My beloved dog Freddy, an 11-yr old mixed breed terrier we adopted 10 years ago,
suddenly collapsed on Tuesday night (10/11) and in the last five days
we have learned he has splenic hemangiosarcoma which has metastasized
to the liver (many spots on the liver). They did the splenectomy and he
is home recovering fairly well from the surgery (eating, drinking
normally and going to the bathroom almost normally too (soft but formed
stools).
I have read
hundreds of pages online about hemangiosarcoma (needless to say I am
extremely discouraged). We are consulting with the oncologist in a week
when we take him to have his stitches removed. Everything seems very
bleak. I have started him on home-cooked food (chicken, turkey,
broccoli, olive oil, brown rice) and am interested in supplements but
don't know where to start... what can I get him from the local vitamin
store?
I want him
with us as long as possible as long as he feels okay. This disease is
wretched... are we supposed to just make him comfortable until "the big
bleed" comes? Will chemo help? Do these herbs helps?
Any general advice or specific regimens I might try would be helpful.
Like everyone else, I am devastated to lose my best friend. I have another
rescued doggie (who is upset and reacting badly to his brother's
illness) but Freddy is my very special dog, coming to me at a time in
my life when I needed him most... he saved me and is woven into every
fiber of my being. I don't even take vacations because I don't leave
my dogs... we took our first vacation in 8 years last year and ONLY
because my brother agreed to housesit. I haven't slept and must force
myself to eat since learning about Freddy's cancer. I feel like I am dying.
Any advice or help is most appreciated. I just don't know what to do. Jennifer |
| Melinda 10/16/05 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma
Hi
Jennifer,
I am exactly where you are, only a few days ahead!
My boy Tucker is an 8 year old wire fox terrier.
I just posted to this group but cannot find my post right now. I too, feel like
I am dying. I wonder if it is like this with
other types of cancers or is this kind so overwhelming because of the
prognosis? I can't stop crying, can't sleep and can't eat.
Every time he naps I am on this computer searching for an answer.
Tucker was already
on an organic raw diet. He has been raised completely holistic so I can
not improve on his diet. He has never been sick a day in his life. I
have finally quit blaming myself. I know now there
is nothing you or I did to cause this. From what I read last night on
this cancer, it is a defect in the way their bodies are processing
blood cells -- they are too thick. Not all of them, but enough that over
time (seems like the age of 8 and up) they are piling up in a blood-rich
area like the spleen and there the problem begins to turn ugly. Of course, I was
reading a highly technical veterinary paper and that was the best I
could interpret it.
How can we as their owners reprogram this
microscopic process which is going haywire somehow?
I am just
beginning the journey like you. I am going in baby steps, first things
first. Right now I want him to recover from that major surgery and get
his blood count up so I haven't started in with heroic measures. I am
still feeding the raw food which he loves but have added some Vitamin C
(sodium ascorbate) and Standard Process Whole Body Support. Twice a day I am
giving him a small serving of cottage cheese and salmon oil. I bought
everything to make the essiac tea, but don't have an amber jar yet.
Maybe we could hold each other's hand through this as we seem to be
on the same path at the same time. Since I think holistically and have been
doing things all along in with that philosophy, conventional medicine
is out for me. I know I will not use chemo or radiation on him. I also
don't want to make my happy-go-lucky Tucker miserable with one pill after
another or so much stuff in his food he can't taste it.
Jennifer, it's strange how
this cancer is suddenly having an upsurge and affecting breeds it did
not before, and here you are with a terrier, too! It helps to do
research on the internet... and I pray a lot too.
|
| Jennifer 10/16/05 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma
Melinda, I am so sorry to read that you and Tucker are suffering too! I had myself convinced that since Freddy was a small, mixed breed dog, he would live to be 15, 16, 17... and die one day in his sleep of old age. Hemangiosarcoma is the most horrifying thing I have ever experienced. And your words "that every minute you're not with him you are on the Internet" ring so true-- that's what I am doing here. I am looking for the miracle --whatever it is, whatever it costs. We are not rich (in money) but I'll spend every last cent I have. I have to keep going to work but I wish I could quit, it seems all meaningless now...career, stuff, everything but my most precious little Freddy. I am freaking out over the diet. I am putting him on turkey breast, chicken, olive oil and broccoli & zucchini.... and I am throwing out my IAMS and buying the Organic pet food. I am confused... so I buy human Omega tabs at the GNC? What's the right combination of supplements? He has never taken vitamins (I never knew he needed any)... where do I get the right vitamins? I am so terrified and want to do something now.... but I am so confused. Freddy
seems to be doing okay, the post-op-incision looks good and clean...
and before he was breathing heavy. When you search the
Internet, you find stories of dogs surviving from 2 days to 2 weeks to
2 months to one doggie who survived 4.5 YEARS after diagnosis with splenic
hemangiosarcoma. I feel like I must break some secret code to see
what it will take to be like that one rare case.
We'll see the oncologist in about a week.
Freddy has metastases on the liver. I am just sick, sick, sick... I tried
to eat today and threw up, I love this dog so much. But it's
done and I have to deal with this. I can't believe you found me, I'll
keep checking in here... maybe someone can help us.
|
| Jan 10/17/05 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma
Hello Melinda and Jennifer,
I am very sorry about your boys, Tucker and Freddy.
There is another long thread about
hemangiosarcoma (which had been moved to the
2005 Archive).
Reading it will give you some helpful ideas about things other people
have done.
Magic's page has
the exact treatment they did for him (this dog lived FOUR YEARS after
diagnosis, Magic was 14 when he died) and
there are a lot of links about hemangiosarcoma.
So you may be able to help them feel better longer. Jan |
| Jennifer 10/23/05 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma
Jan, I just wanted to say thanks, I have read the HSA thread here and have learned a lot. We see the oncologist Tuesday and I am also going to see if I can get a phone consult with Dr. Martin Goldstein. I am TERRIFIED of the chemo. I will keep everyone posted. I prayed to God and asked him to send me strength so I could do the right thing for Freddy and I feel that I am gaining some ground in my grief. Through His Love and the wonderful people I have in my life and those I am meeting (like you and these board members) I feel I have a chance of coping. Peace and love, |
| Melinda 10/23/05 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma Jan,
Jennifer and everyone - My boy Tucker is gone already. This horrible disease
crept in and stole his life from him.
He only got a few days of essiac
along with everything else I read on the internet. As I mentioned in my
previous post he was already on a raw organic diet and had been raised
holistically so that part was easy but the minute I read of anything
else someone was using with success I added that too. He took every
remedy and pill I gave him, even the tea.
Yesterday he just laid on a
blanket in the living room all day. He only got up twice and both times
had to be carried back to the blanket as he would freeze in his tracks
and not move. His gums were pale and his stomach looked bloated so we
called our vet who was out to dinner. He and his wife arrived at our
house and it was decided they would take Tucker to his office across
town and do an ultrasound. His abdomen was filled with blood and there
were now two tumors visible on the liver, both large and ugly looking.
They were not there two weeks ago when the spleen was removed. His
blood count was lower than when we originally brought him to Emergency
and his blood pressure was dropping.
We brought him back home and as
much as he was in pain, he wanted to walk in the door himself. He
greeted our 16 yr old female (his lifelong buddy) and walked to the
blanket and laid down completely stretched out. The vet was so kind and
gave us as much time with him as we needed and then he quietly went to
sleep. I don't understand why we only had two weeks with him.
We are completely heartbroken. He was the heart in our home.
|
| Jennifer 10/24/05 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma Oh, Melinda -- I am so so sorry to hear this. I had such high hopes for both our boys. But this is what they say about this wicked disease -- it could be 2 days, 2 weeks or 2 months... I know nothing I say can comfort you now. I have been really trying to gain strength and accept what is happening to us over the last 2 weeks... I know that Freddy could go at any time too. One thing that has helped me gain some measure of perspective is a trip through Petfinder.com. So many lost souls, descriptions read "8 yr old dumped by family who was no longer interested in him" or "owner got tired of him and dropped him off to be euthanized but vet didn't have the heart." You and I loved and cherished our dogs for the gifts they are, THEY are lucky! You did everything for him and he KNEW he was loved. Tucker had a blessed life, even with his cancer, because of YOU and your love. Please try to hold on to that. Tucker took a piece of you, that is for sure. Any animal we love takes a piece of us when he passes but it's worth it. You WILL feel joy in life again....hang on, okay? Hang on with me! Your other baby needs you too, like mine does. Please let me know how you are doing. I will be praying for all of you. I know Tucker's wonderful energy is back at that place in the universe that is all good and all beautiful... He is free and happy and his love is all around you. |
| Jan 10/24/05 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma Dear Melinda, I am so sorry about Tucker. I don't expect it helps, but he had a wonderful life with you, and he is not hurting now. He is probably hovering around you, just out of sight, until you can be okay. I think you did a great job, and I hope you will be able to have another one before very long. There are so many of them who needs wonderful homes. Jan |
| Jan 10/24/05 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma Hello Jennifer, I hope you will let us know what you find out and what you do. I am sorry you are having such a hard time, but glad you are forcing yourself to cope with it. You can't give in to despair, your boy needs you and besides that this is part of the life cycle. You can fight to keep them and sometimes you can get to keep them longer, but they can never live as long as you must. The trade off for this is that you get to have more than one of them to love in your lifetime. They are bright treasures, I think they are the best thing we have ever done as a species. Jan |
| Jennifer 10/25/05 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma Hi
everyone. We saw the Oncologist today and unfortunately, Freddy is in
Stage III of his cancer and is not a candidate for chemotherapy. We
pressed and she said she's normally willing to try but although most
dogs tolerate chemo well, it's the dogs with advanced disease like
Freddy who tend to get sick. She was very much against even trying at
this point. Melinda, I want to thank you for sharing Tucker's last hours with me/us. It will help me to know when Freddy's time comes and to do the right thing. I hope it can bring you some small measure of comfort to know that your reaching out through your pain touched me and I truly appreciate it. God bless all of you and all the little angels who have left us physically but whose love remains infinite. |
| Melinda 10/25/05 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma Oh
Jennifer...I wish I could tell you it gets better but I am still
crying...only now the crying could better be described as sobbing. I
guess this is part of grief. When I am not crying I am still searching
for an answer, still wondering if there was something else I could have
done. I wonder why other dogs have months or years and Tucker only had
two weeks.
The day before he died he did everything he loved... he even
caught a lizard which takes lightening fast reflexes. We played his
favorite games, he ate a big dinner, he chewed his bone, made "love" to
his giant teddy bear, we took a long walk, etc. He got one big dose of
the Yunnan Paiyao which supposedly stops bleeding. Someone had
mentioned it on another list and I called everywhere and finally found
it. He drank his essiac tea.. took everything I could think of in the
short time I had without complaint. He truly wanted to get well and
trusted me no matter how bad the taste.
I get emails and cards and
flowers and there were candles lit in his name and nothing brings any
comfort. I have never felt grief like this. Like you, I turned to God
the day of the diagnosis. On our breed list there is an offshoot of
Christian women who pray for each other and our pets. Tucker was prayed
for without ceasing. I fasted, I anointed him with oil, I begged for
forgiveness of my sins if they had caused this, I begged God to give it
to me, I cursed his cancer like it was a demon. In the end, neither
mine or anyone's prayers were answered. I still feel like God abandoned
me. While I think the Rainbow Bridge is a wonderful thought, I don't
"believe" in it.
As the vet put the needle in I told him to go straight
to Heaven but today I kept asking God for a sign that Tucker was with
Him and there is still silence. Just this awful silence. I am so glad
you still have your Freddy and there is still hope. I so want to keep
reading posts from you that he is with you for months to come. It can
happen. I can tell you this... you will know when it is time to end their
suffering if that time comes. There was no doubt.
Tucker was a gift to
my daughter when she was 13. She wanted a wire fox terrier to show in
Junior Showmanship. She taught him everything. They did dog shows until
she reached the cut-off age and then they did agility together. We also
did a bit of earthdog events with him. She went off to college and
rarely came home and even though she is back in town she only stopped
over for brief visits but oh how he would light up when she came in the
door. She taught him to roll over about a month ago in 20 minutes on
one of those brief visits.
On Saturday evening when she got here and he
was laying on the blanket, she kept holding his head in her hands and
talking to him and she looked at me and said "He won't look at me"
(now she believes he would not look at her because he was ashamed he
was so sick). With that, he forced himself up and he sat facing me and I
will never forget that face. He looked right in my eyes and his ears
were down and his eyes went right thru me, those cloudy cancer eyes, it
was the most intense look and it said "I can not go on." I will never
forget. I pray that day never comes for you...I really really do.
|
| Jennifer 10/25/05 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma Melinda, I am not a religious person...but I believe I am a spiritual one. When Freddy was first diagnosed, I truly thought about suicide. I know that sounds insane but I thought about how I couldn't go on without Freddy, despite all the other good things in my life. I was very alone in the heart of darkness... I asked God for strength --not a miracle, although I'll take one, just strength to handle whatever happens. I believe God sent me that strength through my mother, a couple close friends and the people I've met in the last 2 weeks, both online and in person, who seem to be sent to me out of the blue with words and experiences of hope and survival... I know it sounds hokey but I believe the strength I needed was there; I just had to take it. We grieved at diagnosis; I grieved all over again today. And when the moment comes, I'll grieve ultimately. I know about the sobbing-- I just start off and on-- my eyes are like swollen pits and I walk around that way. I know I will be at the very edge of that darkness when we ultimately lose Freddy...but intellectually, I know my life will not end. Would Freddy want that after all his hard work? Look into your heart and soul, whether you believe in "God" or doggie heaven--it doesn't matter. What matters is the love between you and Tucker... THAT is the intangible yet infinite energy that still exists, although it is harder to understand without the physical body. Do your grieving but LET GO of the guilt. You and I (and others who have come to this board) are the type of people who appreciate companion animals and the gifts they are to us. You and I did everything we could... but we can't beat HSA. Not with herbs or tea or chemotherapy or prayers or candles...No one can stop it; it just happens. Do you know the only thing that "sobers" me up? Do a turn on Petfinder.com and see the poor animals left to die, abandoned or "dumped" simply because people tire of them. Freddy and Tucker were a few of the LUCKY ones. Walk away from the guilt, it serves NO ONE. You need to grieve but try to hang on. I appreciate your good wishes for Freddy but I am just taking it day by day. I meant what I said-- We only have today. I can't count on tomorrow or next week or next month. But I will ALWAYS have the love between us and the gifts he has given me -- self confidence, love, happiness, understanding, graciousness and humility. Even in his dying, he is giving me such gifts and teaching me. You are in my constant thoughts. Please check in and let me/us know how you are doing. Jenn |
| Angela 10/27/05 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma
After this doggie, I don't think I can bear all this pain from loving animals. Right now, my doggie is almost 15.. and... sigh.. Anyway I'm feeding him lots of fish, green tea, seaweed, chinese herbal medicine, curry (for the tumeric), fresh garlic, fungus. I guess fish is good but make sure no bones. Stingray is good too. |
| Jennifer 11/07/05 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma Just
wanted to let everyone know we lost our precious Freddy yesterday,
11/6/05. He collapsed in the afternoon, and we held him in our bed
until about 9:15 when his soul left his little body. He was 25 days
post-surgery. He was 11 years old. Even in his passing, he gifted
us-- we were allowed to hold him and love him up until God took him. Up
until the moment he collapsed, he was loving his little life, playing
in his yard yesterday and eating his roast chicken dinner... |
| Melinda 11/07/05 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma Oh no.. oh no.. I was just thinking of you the other day and thinking maybe Freddy was another success story like I seem to read about every day. It is an overwhelming darkness. Like no other grief I have ever felt. I still sleep with the blanket Tucker took his last breath on. Still cry... I don't understand how or why. I can only tell you how sorry I am and I am right there with you. |
| Jennifer 11/08/05 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma Melinda...I had hoped you'd come back ....I am sleeping with Freddy's favorite blanket-- it smells like him. I am not going to work...I am lost in unbearable grief.....all I want is my beloved Freddy back. How are we supposed to survive this... and you & I have other little ones and I know I have to take care of my other baby but the grief and pain are immobilizing me. This disease is vicious.... it all played out like the doctors said and even the supplements and homemade diet couldn't help his little body.... Freddy's gums were white --WHITE-- when I checked...I had noticed he was laying on the cool marble foyer, something he NEVER does, just like I noticed him laying on the tile floor that night, Oct. 11th, when he had his first collapse. I called him and he could barely walk to me... he collapsed and we took him to our bed --HIS bed-- and we wrapped him in his blanket and held him, hoping it would pass, that it would just be an "episode." But his breathing got worse and worse, his poor bloated tummy going in and out rapidly...just as we were deciding if we should take him (a thought I could not process, no matter how humane), he changed and went limp and took his last few breaths. I blessed him with holy water we had gotten and prayed for God to take care of his soul. He left us as my husband and I held him, one of us cradling him on either side... I still cannot believe that magnificent little baby is gone...I keep touching and kissing the hair I clipped from him and I still can't believe it...I just want him...I want him back with me. Taking his body to the hospital was the worst.... That magnificent body...and now all I'll get is a box of ashes. How can this be? God help us--I don't think I can take it, Melinda... I feel like dying. I have medication but even that isn't cutting the pain. |
| Melissa 11/25/05 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma Jennifer and Melinda, I am so sorry to read of your losses. Your messages expressed so well what I have been thinking and feeling since the loss of my 9-year-old German shepherd Diasy to this horrible cancer on Oct. 21, 2005, 3 weeks after splenectomy. I did the same as you -- hours of research on the internet. Over a month after her death and I'm still here at it, I have to have something "doggie" to do to occupy my time. I still look for her, expect to hear her, and every time she's not there, a wave a grief bowls me over. Like you, my dog was in wonderful shape - energetic, happy, active. I am still in shock and so sad. She was my "life" dog. I just wanted to thank you both for expressing your sorrow so honestly and to let you know that by doing so, you have helped others express theirs. Know that there are many others who can empathize and sympathize. I hope and pray we all can find some peace. Melissa |
| Melinda 11/25/05 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma So
sorry for you. It is a very dark time for us isn't it? I am still
crying every single day and still on this computer looking for an
answer. So far, the only common thread I have found with this cancer is
that it strikes the dog that is your once in a lifetime "heart" dog. I
have been corresponding with another owner who lost her dog quickly to
this cancer also. We are both having a rough time with it. I wish the
vets would fill out a complete survey with each case because I know
there are probably hundreds more of us but not everyone gets on their
computer and actually joins lists.
I can think of 5 people right off
the top of my head whose dogs have died of some form of cancer who
would never dream of going on the computer about it. I am sure most
just get their info from their vets and leave it at that. I still want
to know how my boy got this and why he died so quickly. Some of the
remedies I ordered did not even arrive until after he passed away. In
fact, today I received a book on cancer in dogs which I ordered the
week he was diagnosed. I miss him so much. He was the best friend I
ever had. I am sorry you have to go thru this too. |
| Melissa 11/26/05 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma Indeed. Yes, I am doing the same thing - searching for an answer or understanding. All my family's previous dogs were raised on cheap dog food, annual vaccines, minimal exercise, were overweight, yet died of old age. For this dog, things were completely different -- human grade food, distilled water, minimal vaccines, daily exercise, careful training and supervision -- and she died at least 3 years early...and of cancer, the one disease we tried our best to shield from her. I'm having difficulty dealing with the anger and disappointment...and I want to try again with another, but I'm scared that even the best care we can give is not good enough. I don't know if my heart could take this again. I too have a supply of remedies I never got to use. Compounding our sorrow is the fact that after the original rupture and splenectomy, the pathology report told us that the tumor was benign - our vet said she didn't have cancer. Three weeks later she's dead, consumed with tumors. We never tried anything because we didn't think we needed to. I cry every day too. First thing in the morning and last thing at night are the worst, I think. I'm crying now. I cannot bear to remove her things (her bed, her dining table) - I still can't/don't want to accept that she is gone forever. Yet it feels like it's been forever since she was here. And the absence of her cheerful, sweet spirit, the sight of her beautiful face, the feel of her soft fur, and the daily physical expression of her love is almost more than I can bear. It's not getting any easier. I see now that there are a number of research projects under way about this cancer to find a way to detect it or to predict it genetically, but samples of blood and tissue are needed. I wish my vet would've informed me of these, so at least my dog's death could have helped others. I well understand the bond you had with Tucker. While it defies accurate description, I believe it's a true meeting of the minds...not human/dog...but soul to soul. Pure love and utter devotion...from both sides. We know in our minds what we eventually must face, but our hearts deny the possibility. It's intense and almost inconceivable that it would ever end...and then it does. Thank you for letting me share sorrow with you. Melissa |
| Jennifer 11/27/05 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma Melissa, I am so sorry to come back here and read of your loss and pain. I understand all too well how "blindsided" you feel... how cheated and robbed you and your baby both were by this horrible cancer. I still can't fully understand what happened and I am still amazed that we had just 25 days from the very first sign anything was wrong to Freddy's passing. It's surreal. I have been over it 1,000X in my mind--was it the water? Was it the food (Iams)? Was it the vaccinations or Frontline? Was it the carpet cleaner in our house? Here I had thought I had done everything "right" for our babies and this happened to Freddy. I have decided I can't go over it anymore. My surviving dog is on an organic diet now and no more Frontline-- it can't hurt, right? And vitamins. Nothing really helps the pain and loss but time. A friend of mine who has gone through tremendous loss in her life said you don't get "over it" but you get "used to it." I still can't believe he is not here. He was my "life dog" (so aptly put)... he was that one very special being in my life, that first, special dog who helped me grown and mature into the person I am now. His gifts can never be replicated. SO many people loved him and appreciated his unique beauty and gifts, this brings me comfort, that his magnificent life not only touched me but so many others. I am so so sorry for your loss. I HATE to read of another beloved dog succumbing to this wicked disease. It is a horrible, silent killer. The only thing to do is to try to go on. What other choice is there? Talk to people who understand and appreciate your pain. Grieve in the way that fits YOU and don't hold it in. Like you, his bowls are still there and I have dozens of pictures all over my home. I have a "love box" with clips of his hair, his collar and all his tags from all the years in it and I open it every night. I talk to him and pray for him. I still love him fiercely and always will. I have his special friend, the dog HE picked from among so many rescues, to take care of and this helps. Poor Elmo is a mess and he needs me. When I think about it, I think about all the people I know who have gotten cancer, including young people, and there is just no explanation. Maybe with dogs it is the same as with humans-- our environment and world have become so polluted and loaded with chemicals that it's just causing all these cell mutations. Who knows. But we have to move on from guilt... We did not cause this. Period. I hope you are managing a bit better each day. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Melinda and your babies. They ARE out there... whatever your beliefs are, I know that those magnificent souls don't just vanish when the physical body passes away. They are in that place in the Universe that is all good and all loving, that is bigger than us and beyond our human understanding. Someday, we will join them. With deepest sympathy, |
| Melissa 11/27/05 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma Jennifer, thank you for your beautiful message. Like you, I believe that these incredible spirits are not lost. As Will Rogers said, "If dogs don't go to Heaven, then when I die, I want to go where they went." Your wise friend is correct. We must "get used to it," and only time heals... for all of us. It is our burden to bear -- it would be so much worse for our precious dogs to lose us. But it is agony, and I hope all of us -- you, Melinda, me, and our families, and so many others who feel this pain, can find some peace soon. Melissa |
| Melinda 11/29/05 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma Over
the weekend, our old girl (will be 17 in April) got really bad..could
not stand, drink on her own, leaning badly, etc. Tucker was her
constant companion and took care of her in each step of her aging. She
misses him in ways I am sure humans could never understand and has
never given up wandering the house and yard trying to pick up his
scent. She was here when he passed away but not being able to see or
hear we knew she probably had no idea even though she was napping only
feet from him.
When I took her in to the vet yesterday worried that she
may have had a stroke, the vet told me he felt something in her
abdomen. Immediately the tears welled up which still come readily every
single day. I told him she had just lost her buddy last month,that a
tumor on his spleen had ruptured... hemangio. The vet instantly looked up
and told me not to worry, this breed never gets that kind of cancer. He
was the same breed. |
| Melissa 11/29/05 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma Oh, Melinda! I cannot believe it! I cannot imagine what you are going through now! You'll have to muster all your strength, but you will get through this. Please take care of yourself...it is so easy to let grief get the better of you. This will remain in your memory forever as a dark time, but you will survive it. Lean on friends and family, and on us here. I will say a prayer for you and your loved ones. My heart bleeds for you. Melissa |
| Maria 11/29/05 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma Hello All, I
have been following your threads for awhile but only now am I writing.
I too lost the love of my life, my sweet girl CindyLu, to this
horrific disease. It will be 10 months tomorrow that she left and I
have to tell you that I still cry all the time. She was everything to
me that all of you have so beautifully expressed already. She was 11
1/2, a happy healthy shepherd mix one day and desperately ill the next.
Her hemangio was uncommon in that the tumor was attached to her
bladder. When it ruptured she went thru surgery to save her life but it
had already spread to her tummy and another tumor behind her liver.
We had started supplements and were going to go with chemo but she had a
chance to have an anti-angiogenic treatment that supposedly had some
promising results with late stage disease patients but she only lived
42 days. I won't recount to you the horrible details of those days as
they are similar to everyone else's roller coaster ride but I mostly
wanted to say that I have had the same thoughts, questions, wondering,
going over 1000's of times, blaming myself, what I fed her, where i
live, what pesticide-laden lawns and parks she walked and played on,
etc. I have asked numerous vets, and poured over this internet as all
of you have, and I still do, trying to find something, an answer maybe
that will take some the pain away but deep down I know I won't find it.
What I have found though, is an amazing group of incredibly wonderful
people and their babies who give me some hope and strength from their
unbelievable love for their animals. I wish I had some answers or great
words of wisdom for all of us but I want you to know that my heart goes
out to all of you, I am so sorry for everyone's terrible loss. I also
want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for expressing your
feelings, and mind, so eloquently. I also want to thank Jan for being such a great moderator, for this wonderful site and for all of the good you do for all of us. Again, my thoughts and prayers are with all of you. Maria |
| Jennifer 12/01/05 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma My heart is so very heavy to read of yet another person and beloved dog who have suffered because of this devastating disease. Maria, I am so, so sorry you've had to find us. I am sorry your precious CindyLu had just 42 days. It's all not fair and the shock lingers still. Freddy will be gone one month on Tuesday (also our 9th wedding anniversary) and I still don't believe he is gone. I physically ache to hold him, touch him, kiss him, feel him and nothing soothes this longing. I am growing used to it... I know I will always want him and I know he is gone from this physical Earth but I have accepted that I will never stop longing for him... and that is okay. It is simply the way it is. I do hope that knowing we are out here with you is of some minimal comfort. You and CindyLu have joined my thoughts and prayers. They are waiting for us-- Freddy, Tucker and CindyLu --please hold on to that. Melinda, I am so sorry to read your other baby is having problems. I don't even know what to say. You are all in my prayers. Jennifer |
| Kelly 12/15/05 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma Hi
everyone!
But for the first time in her life, she
was not doing extra activities like chasing rabbits, etc. In
fact, she could not keep up with me. We got home and she was beat. I
took her to the vet the very next morning, on June 17th 2005. Sure enough
she has a massive tumor on her spleen which ruptured and was bleeding
into her stomach.
The spleen was removed and she did not even need a blood
transfusion. I opted not to do chemo on her. How
do you explain to a dog that you are making them sick to prolong their
life by a couple of months? Well, I am really happy with my decision.
It has almost been 6 months. Honey recovered remarkably. She was out
fishing and mtn biking and running in no time. Seriously I pray every
night and wonder if she even has cancer?
Here is what I have done
for Honey. I switched her to raw food. She eats raw food, raw turkey,
evo dog food and raw turkey necks. I was cooking chicken and giving
that to her, but it made her constipated. Also no cheese as much as she
loves it it makes her sick now. I also have done acupuncture and given
her herbal meds.
This week, she has had a rough time. I have finally
noticed her slowing down, breathing heavier, having bad dreams and hick
ups. I wonder if it is going to her heart? Her acupuncture vet did X-rays
last week and we could not find any activity in her lungs. I
was wondering, what to expect now? They gave her an average of 42
days..it has been six months! I thank God for all this extra time with
her! We have made every day count. I just do not want her to suffer.
I don't want it to go to her heart and suffocate her. I am devastated. I
can not sleep. I lie awake all night wondering if it will be her last
night? Why do simple creatures like loving dogs get a nasty human
disease? It is so not fair! |
| Maria 12/18/05 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma Hi Jennifer, (and everyone) I just wanted to check in on you and tell you that I am thinking of you and to thank you for the kind words you sent me. I hope you still come here. I've started writing this a bunch of times but could never finish-- I guess I have a bunch to say but I'll try and keep it brief today. Today is one year since that life changing moment when Cindy collapsed from her tumor rupturing. It is hard to believe that a year has gone by already but then again it's seems the longest year too. I've been crying all weekend. I miss her terribly, Jennifer, just as you expressed so well about your beloved Freddy, I long to wrap my arms around her and love her too. I do appreciate you and this site too because everyone here knows exactly how I feel. But I would give my right arm and leg if our commonality was how wonderfully well all our dogs were doing, in some wonderful remission instead. I really believe that the horribleness and evil of this disease and what our animals and all of us go thru sets it apart from all the others. After Cindy died I said to our vet that hemangio is more like a tragedy than a disease and she agreed, liking it to a natural disaster that comes on fast and furious, and is just unstoppable. But she told me to take comfort in that unlike those poor animals during the hurricanes Cindy was never ever abandoned, and so I do, but oh how I wanted to save her. Anyway, I just wanted to let you and everyone else here know that you are not alone either. I feel for all of us. Jan, I hope you don't mind that we've made this a sort of a thread of comfort. I wish everyone here peace. |
| Jennifer 12/18/05 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma Maria, your words are very powerful and I am glad that this thread has brought you some minimal comfort. I feel the pain in your words. I still cannot believe that Freddy is gone... gone in 25 days, after 10+ years, it is still surreal. I look for him... I seek him within every moment of every day, waking moments, dreams... I have a large photo of him, his magnificent face and soulful eyes on my dresser, and it is the first thing I see every morning and the last thing I see every night. But I wait for a more tangible sign that he is still with me. I MUST believe he is -- to think that his magnificent presence is vanished completely is unacceptable and unfathomable. You must believe too. It might sound like I am off my rocker but this is another gift Freddy has given me, I am must more spiritual now and I see life so much differently now. I am closer to God and to my mom. His gifts continue even as his physical body has faded away. You must search for Cindy's gifts -- they are there, waiting to be felt and discovered, if you haven't already done so. They will sustain you. Thank you for checking back. I, too, visit here and always hope for some good news. But at least we have this safe place to be ourselves with our feelings and grief...and share with each other an experience not everyone is lucky to have. Lucky, you may say? YES. We were given the gift to love these gorgeous creatures and appreciate them for the treasures they are. Why do you think it hurts so unbearably? Because we have loved so limitlessly. So, we are lucky to have had the gifts of Freddy and Cindy and Tucker...and even in the wake of devastating loss, we are the lucky ones to have know such joy. That love and joy never dies. Hold on to them and to your faith and to the loving memory of Cindy, whose love for you is infinite. All those who have touched me and my life through this experience are in my constant prayers. I wish you peace, |
| Melinda 12/18/05 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma I agree with everything you have all said. I still hope whenever there is a notice of a new message here, it is an answer I have been looking for with this horrible cancer. People keep telling me this is hard but I will get over it but somehow I know I never will. Tucker was that special. I was supposed to take Frieda, his nearly 17 yr old companion, in for an ultrasound on her liver tomorrow but cancelled. I know at her age, as fragile as she is and now having suffered a stroke, I would never put her thru any treatment if she did have cancer. She already eats raw organic and I have her on the supplements. I told the vet I would wait until after Christmas to do the ultrasound. I have company here now and they can't even understand why I am still crying about Tucker. I still wonder how he got this and why he went so quickly. I wonder why poor Frieda who has no idea what happened to her protector and companion has to suffer and search for him day and night. I guess I am just not dealing with this very well.. sorry. Just thought I would let you know I am still here... listening and hoping. |
| Jennifer 12/27/05 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma You all have been in my thoughts. I can only imagine how difficult this time of year has been for you, as it has been for me. I hung Freddy's stocking in disbelief he is gone. I put an antique angel ornament in it. He is an angel. They are all angels now. Melinda, I pray that when Frieda's time comes, hopefully far, far from now, she is at peace with no pain, safe in your everlasting love for her. Peace, |
| Maria 12/28/05 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma I have been thinking of everyone too, especially because of the holidays. They have been awful. I feel like I cried all weekend. I couldn't even look at Cindy's stocking without breaking down so I think you were wonderful, Jennifer, for putting Freddy's up with an angel. I'm glad that you are finding such comfort in your spirituality. Melinda,
I am so sorry for you and Frieda and for what you are going through
again. I don't understand why some people are so burdened. It breaks my
heart to think of poor Frieda looking for Tucker and not knowing what
happened. That's pitiful. It also makes things difficult when other
people can't understand your pain. Many well meaning people have said
things to me this year that made me feel like I was crazy for being so
upset. I finally spoke with a grief counselor (for pet loss) who told
that the depth of your pain is equal to the depth of your love and to
allow minimum of a year for grieving.
Anyone who writes on these forums
trying to find some cure or extra time for their animals loves them to
a great degree and it no wonder that we feel such pain. My advice to
you is to talk with people who can relate to your feelings and know
what Tucker meant to you. I also hope Frieda is not suffering and you
still have many wonderful days together. My thoughts and prayers are with you both, and everyone else here. Maria |
| Maria 12/28/05 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma I forget to mention that a lot of vet schools and animal hospitals have hotlines where you can call and speak to a grief counselor. I remember finding lists on websites for the Animal Cancer Institute, I think Perseus Foundation and Colorodo State University among others. Melinda, I also don't think I will ever "get over" the loss of Cindy. She was that special to me too. I don't think anyone "gets over", "gets better", or "gets thru" anything like this. I think you go on with your life but you're not the same. The counselor said the intensity of everything eases over time but the feelings will always be there. I hope that helps you a little. Maria |
| Jennifer 12/28/05 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma Maria, it's funny--I think I have always had a level of faith but Freddy's passing has changed me in many dramatic ways, the most significant being my faith. I used to think people who relied on faith were "weak" but now I am doing just that. By believing there is more out there, somewhere, more that is good and everlasting and safe and that Freddy is part of that goodness, I have managed to go on and find hope. To think he was merely "gone" in the second his body failed is unbearable. And unacceptable. Part
of me also feels I have no choice. What can I do? I did all I could and
I could not save him. I have to face the future. I don't want to curl
up and die. Something else that helps me is the work I do with rescue
and shelters. We are BIG supporters of this and if you spend 5 minutes
reading about the crisis of unwanted pets and animal cruelty, you'll
realize that Freddy and Tucker and all the dogs mentioned here are the
LUCKY ones. We cry and mourn OUR pain and loss but THEIR lives were
remarkable and filled with joy... And I must emphasize that all dogs
are Freddy and Tucker....they all stare at me with eyes begging to be
loved... They all have the capacity to love like our dogs have loved us
but only a precious few get the chance.
It is a crushing pain, almost
more crushing that losing my Freddy, to realize how many suffer from
loneliness and abandonment to physical torture too brutal to write
about here. How can I not find hope and go on? Freddy was a shelter
rescue, as was his brother Elmo.
And I am happy to report we have
adopted two-- yes, two --rescues. A pair that could not be separated and
were on the "short list" because no one wanted them. Well, they are
beautiful souls and I know Freddy is sending his love through me to
them. That's what I believe and it has helped energize me to do
something good in this world... to make a small difference and save
lives. Adopting
another dog is a VERY personal decision and I am only sharing my
experience, not recommending everyone else do it! It is so odd, when
Freddy was dying and immediately afterwards, I couldn't FATHOM adopting
another dog. I remember telling everyone, "Oh, it will be many many
months until I can even think about it." But things just worked out
this way. I remember asking a good friend when I would get "the sign," a sign that Freddy's energy was still with me. Would I see him in a fleeting moment? Would I hear him? Would I smell him or sense him some other way???? After listening to me cry and rant for 10 minutes about "the sign", my friend just smiled and quietly said, "You have the sign right in front of you-- your heart is open to another soul who needs you... THAT is the sign, Jennifer." And she was right. My love and grief for Freddy will always be separate from my love for Elmo and for the two new babies... They are distinct and apart but the former has inspired me to love again and turn sadness into hope. I hope each of you finds your own way back to hope and love, when your time is right. Jennifer |
| Jennifer 12/29/05 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma Maybe it was the martini tonight at dinner out, a wave of grief and longing for Freddy came over me and took my breath away. Tears streamed down my face in the middle of the crowded restaurant. It hurt physically, almost unbearably. I want him BACK. NO! NO! NO! My heart cried out. MY husband's eyes teared up as he tried to be strong. There was no balm for this wound. Just strength to hold it together for the moment. Now, at home, as I write, the tears are free to run. I wanted to write it here and share it with you... So, know that even in the bravest face of faith, there are moments of grief that almost kill me. Tonight, I didn't care about anything or anyone-- There was no joy or faith --I just wanted HIM. And he is gone. The last 2 months were like a bad dream. How, I asked my husband, could that magnificent creature be here one moment and gone the next???? There are no answers. I ask God for a better tomorrow. My beautiful prince, my love, the joy of my life, my everlasting heart, Freddy. I say goodnight to you, my eternal Love, and I seek your spirit in the darkness still. Goodnight, |
| Melissa 12/30/05 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma Oh Jennifer, bless your heart! I am so sorry for your pain. And you know all of us here shed tears along with you. My Daisy died 10/21/05, and I think now that the shock of the sudden loss has worn off, the reality of the long haul of life without her has set in, bringing its own unique brand of agony. I think faith can help sustain you and give hope for something beyond, but it doesn't spare you the heartache now. Nothing can... and really, nothing should. It is the absolute expression of pure love. But it hurts like hell! For those of my friends who don't quite understand, I've tried to express it this way: Daisy was the joyous herald to each new day, her sweet face the first thing I saw every morning followed by a snuggle and a rub to get the blood flowing; she was palpable love and devotion all day; and she was fun, play, love, laughter, affection, sweetness, and beauty until I closed my eyes every night. How can anyone not mourn bitterly the absence of such a blessing? While it feels like forever, it's only been 2 months. In fact for me, I seem to be dealing more now with the disappointing expectations: expecting to see her; expecting to hear her. There's still a lot of sorrow to work through; a lot of "firsts" to face. I wish it was all just a bad dream. It will take a long time for us to "get used" to being without our special lifetime dogs, and I guess that is as it should be. When the waves of grief come, I say go with them and cry until you can't cry anymore, then go on as best you can until the next one hits. The promise is that eventually we will be able to enjoy the memories without the pain. Hard to imagine now, but someday it will be so. In the meantime, feel free to share your sorrow with us. There are a lot of shoulders here to cry on. Melissa |
| Melinda 12/30/05 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma I
still wish there was some sort of extensive data entry form for this
cancer which owners would fill out upon diagnosis. When I am not crying or
missing or simply thinking about Tucker, I am trying to figure out how
he got this, especially since I was such a perfectionist about his
health. I had Frieda thoroughly checked and while her liver enzymes and
kidney function are not what they should be, there was no evidence of
any cancer. So, something Tucker came in contact with somehow triggered
that first cell to mutate and I feel like I need to know. I wish vets
would take down all the life history details on each dog / cat, the only
common thread I can figure out is that Hemangio dogs are ones we feel
closest to. Do they bond so closely with us because they know they
aren't well somehow, do they know their time is limited?
Just thinking
outloud here and so so sorry we are going thru this. It is not
comforting to know there are others suffering. It is such a profound
loss... such deep sorrow, nothing helps, does it. |
| Maria 12/30/05 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma Melissa, you really said everything so well and I totally agree with you. Jennifer, you poor thing... I know how you feel and I'm so sorry! As Melissa said everyone here knows, that awful, from the deepest part of your inside pain that is just as you described, physically painful. It's that horrible pain where I always wish I had died with Cindy because it's too much to bear. But what I wanted to say to you is that even when you have incredible faith and know that Freddy is somewhere full of goodness the pain is still going to be there. It's grieving, and I wish none of us had to know it. I have been told that crying and feeling it and letting it out is part of what helps you heal. I feel like I've been crying forever; and the crying can just come on for no particular reason but that it's in your heart.. and there's no time frame for grieving, no right or wrong way, everyone is different, but it seems to me from what everyone's written here that when you lose a dog from this awful disease it's even that much more difficult, and it takes a long time. I think I was in shock for 6 months before I could even face the reality of Lu's death. It is still hard for me to acknowledge it that way. I'm glad that you came here and let it out, here where everyone understands and cares. I think it's wonderful that you've adopted 2 other babies. I feel very selfish that I don't want to do that right now but I just can't. I would want the new one to be Lu and that just wouldn't be fair. I am thinking of volunteering at a shelter at some point when I think I can handle it. I applaud you for the work you do at your shelter. I would like to hear about where you volunteer sometime. Melinda, you are right it is not comforting that so many of us are suffering. At this moment the sadness overwhelms me and I feel sorry for all of us. I haven't come up with any answers to your questions although I've been searching for 10 months now. I just don't know why Cindy got this. Sometimes I do wonder if it was the lyme disease vaccine I let them give her. That was 2 years before she died, and made her lethargic at the time. I would be interested to hear if anyone vaccinated their dogs for that. Take Care Everyone, |
| Melissa 12/30/05 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma I've
been consumed in research since Daisy died. She was a German shepherd,
a breed, along with Golden retrievers most at risk (although I never
knew that when she was alive). Everything you read says this is a
disease of medium and large dogs, but that surely doesn't explain the
terriers and the pomeranians and other small dogs afflicted. I've been
following the German shepherd forums, and for my own 2 cents' worth,
I'm campaigning for the following:
1. Consider ultrasounds as part
of senior vet checks. A vet oncologist from Cornell presenting at the
2001 Atlantic Coast Vet Conference said that new recommendations were
being developed about including US (ultrasounds) in annual exams. While hemangios can
grow quickly, right now detection before rupture is the real only hope
of saving a life. If I'd done an US on my dog at her wellness exam in
August, we might have discovered the tumor before it ruptured in
September, and given her breed risk, seems it would've been a
no-brainer to remove it. I think it's something worth discussing with your vet.
2. Renowned institutions in this
country are researching canine cancers and they need blood samples
from purebred dogs both healthy and sick. Please ask your vets, your
boarding kennels, your friends, anyone with a purebred dog to consider
having an extra vial drawn for research during the annual heartworm
test. More information is available at
http://www.broad.mit.edu/mammals/dog/donate.html
3. This one is more
controversial: Some well-respected vet oncologists are extrapolating
the results of a study done on Rottweilers that questions the wisdom of
sterilizing dogs before sexual maturity. It has to do with the
nonreproductive function of the reproductive hormones. While we know
that sterilization early in life can virtually eliminate mammary and
testicular cancers, apparently that's not the whole story. This study
indicated that, for example, females spayed before the first heat were
4 times more likely to develop hemangiosarcoma, and both sexes were
twice as likely to develop osteosarcoma, among others. Here's a link to
the research: http://cebp.aacrjournals.org/cgi/content/full/11/11/1434.
Do a Google search to find and read Dr. Kevin Hahn's article, "Can We Neuter Cancer in
Dogs." This was a real stunner for me, because I felt confident in the
knowledge that I'd done what was best per my vet's instructions, and
Daisy was spayed at 6 months. Sure makes me wonder about that now, and
I'll probably do things differently in the future. Anyway, for whatever it's worth... Melissa |
| Jennifer 12/30/05 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma Maria, you so aptly describe the pain.... I am sorry others have to experience it. HSA is a bizarre disease. For us, everything was fine and poof! One lethargic episode + 25 days and Freddy was gone. I still don't believe it. I ask my husband, "How did we do that? How did we hold him as he died and take his body to the hospital? How did we have the strength to leave him, that magnificent being, and walk out with only a collar?" I remember not wanting to let him go, laying on the bed with him, holding his body, but my husband finally convinced me we had to let him go. How did we all do these things, each in our own circumstances? It is like a bad dream. Maria, I have a secret for you-- I adopt and work with rescue because I am selfish. Doing these things assuages the guilt I feel over the sad state of affairs many humans have created for these animals. I get 1,000X more joy from them than they ever take. I am no hero. I do what I can so I can feel good about my life in some small way and make some dogs happy as hell. ;) My Freddy was the genesis of all of this, it was he who showed us the gifts and rewards of loving a dog. It is he who inspires us. Since we don't want kids, our goal is to retire early and open a small rescue, just 3 or 4 dogs at a time. That's how I want to spend my golden years. BUT this is a very personal decision and I share it as one possible way to cope with grief and find an outlet. Each person is different and each situation is different. Someday, you may wake up and know the time is right to love again. Or, you may never feel comfortable with that. This is your heart and your pain and whatever you do is right. As the year ends, waves of grief are fresh within me. I feel like as 2005 ends, I am leaving that much more of my Freddy behind. Soon, another year will pass, then another. Will the world forget him? I will never forget him. Never. He is my "life dog" (SO aptly put) and as much as I love my other dogs, no dog will ever be like Freddy. Melissa, you description of Daisy and her place is your world is simply beautiful and heartwarming. I cried "yes!" as I read about her welcoming each day and the light and joy she brought, that is what they do. I pity those who don't understand, Melissa, I feel sorry for the people who have not been given the gift of appreciating the joy of loving a dog. What a sad, sad existence for them. Melinda, I feel the anger and frustration in your words. When I first heard that hateful word "hemangiosarcoma," I read up on it and felt especially cheated. This was a disease that afflicted Goldens and Shepherds, not a 25 lb Heinz 57 terrier-poodle-Lhasa-God knows what mix like my Freddy. I still cannot figure it out. Was it the Iams I fed him? The tap water? The vet care I thought was "top of the line" was overloaded with vaccines and flea killers and such? And they both had yearly physicals and all the tests, etc. How did we miss this???? Then I think of my dog growing up, Tippy a cockapoo, who ate Gaines Burgers and all kinds of table scraps before anyone knew any better, and lived to 16 1/2 and died of old age (stroke). At this point, after learning so much, I have them on Newman's Own Organic food, distilled bottled water, a reduction of all the pet crap/flea/vaccines and only human-grade treats and snippets of organic beef as "treats." It is the best I can do. I should be so diligent about MY health and care. But will it prevent cancer? Who knows. Many theorize that, like humans, dogs are subjected to many of the same environmental pollutants and cancers are on the steady rise. Things we cannot control, things in the air, in even the unprocessed foods. I wash all my vegetables twice over and only eat organic meat (and have thought about going vegetarian altogether)but the world we live in is so polluted. My best advice is learn as much as possible, then do the best you can with the options that make the most sense to you. You must arrive at peace with your care for Tucker-- you gave him the best of the best... NOTHING you did caused this, I hope you know that. I am so grateful to be able to come here and speak about my feelings. Thank you all for your support. I do find a small amount of comfort in "being" with others who understand this experience. I deeply regret others must suffer but if we must, then at least we have found each other. I wish you all the best of health, happiness and peace in 2006. |
| Ashley 12/31/05 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma It
has been awhile since I have read this thread and I am so lucky that
Jan Hodges did create it. After reading all of the stories I wanted to
share mine. My precious Ally was diagnosed with hemangiosarcoma back on
May 29. Her spleen was removed; however, the Dr. did not think she was
going to make it through the night.
It has now been 7 months later and
my girl is running, barking, and enjoying life as if nothing ever
happened. Of course I am still fearful of that day when I come home and
she is not there at the door waiting for me. I live in New Orleans and
cannot even express what we have all been through down here, but I do
believe that Ally is my living Angel and it still here with me to get
my through everything. I also have tremendous amount of faith and hope.
Ally is has been on the holistic diet. I also give her 32 pills a
day. Her last ultrasound was on Aug 22 (one week before the storm). I
have been back to the Oncologist to have her checked but after the
physical exam, we both agreed why have her checked when we had done all
that we can do. I do know that I have done absolutely everything I can
and it is now out of my hands. The most important thing is to be with
her and make every day count as if it is the last. I did not even think
we would make it to 7 months so anyone out there, please have hope and
faith to take you through this. |
| Jennifer 12/31/05 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma Ashley, first of all-- YAY for Ally! WOW. And to be part of the horrible events in New Orleans while dealing with all of this--you are one brave and courageous lady! But you must know Ally IS the exception, unfortunately. Can you tell us if the cancer had spread to her liver when they removed the spleen? They told us that Freddy's liver was "filled" with spots when they did the ultrasound and opened him up, biopsy confirmed it. In fact, we went ahead with the surgery on the off chance the liver spots were benign, only biopsy can confirm that. They would NOT do the chemo because he was Stage III. Looking back, I think we waited too long to start the supplements but I did put him on organic beef & chicken and zucchini with a bit of olive oil right away, no carbs! And a multi-vitamin + astragalus, milk thistle, esther C and fish oil. I'd love to know more about Ally's diagnosis. I have only read about long-term survival such as Ally's (and the famous "Ginger") when there was NO liver (or other organ) involvement at the time of splenectomy. regardless, I wish you many, many months and years of miraculous success. You are truly blessed. |
| Ashley 12/31/05 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma Jennifer,
thank you for the note. When Ally had her surgery the tumor on the
spleen had ruptured. While they did not see any other masses or signs
that it had spread to the other organs, the surgeon was NOT optimistic
at all. He even said that chemo would maybe only give her another month
or two. The ultrasound on August 22 showed no signs of the cancer but
as we all know it is spreads so fast.
Once I decided not to do chemo I
was told of a holistic vet in my area. Actually, she is the only one
anywhere close to New Orleans. She also did not have high hopes but
thought Ally should immediately eat all raw food with VERY little
carbs. I started off with Natures Menu chicken that is already prepared
so it is very easy to give to her. I did add some celery, broccoli, etc.,
but now I only give her the raw food mixed with a tsp of parsley. It is
very important that the raw food already has the organ meat mixed in.
For supplements she is taking astragalus, lindera, IP 6 with inositol,
vitamin A, C, E, garlic, beta carotene, lechitin, doxicycline, omega 3.
While her diagnosis was not good (2 days to 2 months) they did not give
her a stage. But, since it had not spread at that time I would think a
stage 1.
I am always willing to give any information about Ally.
This thread is so helpful knowing what others are doing for their pets
(children). |
| Jennifer 01/02/06 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma How did everyone do this New Year's? I made it through but I was shocked by the renewed waves of intense grief and longing that flooded me. I spent the better part of the last two days crying on and off and hurting physically with missing Freddy. I think I have been throwing myself into caring for the new dogs and getting my life back on track that i think I stuffed some of my grief deep inside because it was so painful but the year turning brought it all out... I thought about you all and hope you are coping. Melinda, I hope Frieda is hanging in there. |
| Susan 01/03/06 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma My understanding is that stage 1 is very rarely found - -it is an unruptured tumor. Stage 2 is a ruptured tumor of the spleen. Stage 3 is when it spreads to multiple organs. |
| Kelly 01/05/06 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma
Hi Ashley -- YEAH! Ally is right along with Honeydog! Honeydog got real
sick on June 17th and on the 22nd we had her spleen out. She was a stage
two, but the fact that it took 5 days to get it removed did not help.
I thank God everyday for all this extra time with her. I am so happy to
hear that Ally was with you during the terrible storm. God Bless all of
you guys and your animals. Hang in there! Honeydog and I are! Kelly |
| Jennifer 01/05/06 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma I just have to say that Ally and Honeydog are truly miracles... I am SO HAPPY that you both have your babies and pray they continue to be even greater miracles. I am sad for myself and the rest of us who did not get a miracle but more so, I am absolutely mystified as to this disease. What makes these miracles? In some cases, does the cancer not travel through the blood to other organs, even after rupturing a tumor of the spleen? Or do you think the holistic meds strengthened the immune system to such a degree as to ward off the cancer? Whatever it is, I pray it continues for those few miracles out there with HSA. There are waaaay too few good stories and way too many bad. Jen |
| Maria 01/06/06 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma Ashley and Kelly, It is wonderful to hear that your dogs are doing so well after 6 months. They are a true success story in this world of mostly sadness. I hope that your girls keep going strong for a long time to come. Please keep posting here, as they are an inspiration and promise of hope for other owners and their babies. Jennifer, you always remarkably express my exact thoughts and feelings whenever you write. I too am sad for the rest of us who didn't get more time with our children, and wonder the same thing about what makes the outcome different. I wonder if in some the tumor grows more quickly and ruptures faster and there isn't time for a lot of small bleeds that perhaps would spread the disease otherwise. As Cindy's was atypically on her bladder, sometimes I think she had it a long time before it ruptured, but who's to know? I truly hope that with studies like the one Melissa has mentioned that some day there will be answers and cures. Ushering in the new year brought the same thoughts and feelings for me. And this time last year Cindy was ill. I think it will always be difficult. How are your new ones? I am hope they are well, along with your other baby. I know they are very very happy! Maria |
| Ellen 01/18/06 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma WOW! Ally and Honeydog are really miracles. My little baby Nikki (10 yr. old pomeranian) died of hemangiosarcoma on 1/3/06. He collapsed on 12/3/05 and was diagnosed on 12/16/05. The confirmation came from the biopsy result when we had Nikki undergo splenectomy. At the time, the liver was still clean with no spots or growths and free of cancer. However, his second ultrasound done on New Year's Eve showed multiple masses in the liver. The doctors and radiologist were all surprised by how quickly and aggressively his cancer spread. I was going to switch Nikki to holistic food, but time ran out before I could do so. I'm glad to hear that Alley and Honeydog are still active. Hopefully, they will stay healthy for long, like Ginger. Ellen |
| Jennifer 01/19/06 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma Just checking in...thinking of everyone and Honeydog and Ally, hoping they continue to beat the odds. The more I read about this disease, the more I think it's like being dealt a hand of cards for the dog--it is what it is... Some dogs have one occurrence and it doesn't come back--I am SURE holistic and dietary intervention does help and boost their immune systems so that their bodies can help keep the tumor growth at bay. For others, like my Freddy and Melinda's Tucker, it's just a rapid advance and caught too late. I keep thinking I should have gotten Freddy an ultrasound just as a check up but who knew? I was so woefully ignorant of canine cancer and had "it won't happen to me" delusions. I can celebrate his life and he live sin my heart always. Then, as we all are doing, put one foot in front of the other and try to survive. Maria, the new doggies are THRIVING--thank you!--it has done WONDERS for my aching heart to watch them heal physically and start to open up emotionally...they LOVE being here, being part of our family and being loved. The actually SMILE now--it is amazing. If I can make them 1/1,000 as happy as they make me, I will have done well. I know my Freddy is smiling at us. I think he sent them to me. =) Wishing everyone peace, |
| Maria 01/21/06 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma Hi Jen, I'm SO glad to hear the newbies are doing well! And that they've finally had something wonderful happen to them, becoming part of your wonderful family! It's a win-win situation for everyone :) I hope Elmo is happier now too and he's no longer feeling lonely. You sound well too.. I'm glad they have brought some joy back to you. Please keep updating us with posts from time to time. I think most of us here will keeping checking in for a long while, like old friends :) Hello and blessings to everyone here. Stay well. Maria |
| Jennifer 01/28/06 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma Thanks,
Maria. We're all still doing well! It does bring me tremendous joy to
watch these two new babies heal and grow secure in our love for them.
And I truly believe that freddy would want others to have the life he
had. After all, all this is his doing--he changed our lives and showed
us the gift of loving a dog.
Does anybody know what happened to the original HSA thread with over 100 replies?
I hope everyone is still hanging in there and trying to find peace.
Melinda, how is Frieda? And, I hope our miracle girls Ally &
Honeydog are still winning the war. God bless them. Peace, |
| Melissa 01/28/06 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma
Jennifer, ask Jan Hodges. She must be archiving it. She has another thread further up the page referring to it, trying to start a new thread because it was so long. I checked in 2005 archives, but it's not there yet. And I looked in 2004, just in case - all I found there was another devastating thread about people losing otherwise healthy and fit dogs to HSA - sadly saying then the same things we've been saying. Oh it's awful. Sending prayers for comfort to all who've had to experience the misery of hemangiosarcoma... Melissa |
| Joan 01/28/06 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma Hi, all. I lost the love of my life, Yuri, to hemangio last May. I still cry. He's my best friend. I say that in the present tense because I believe he is still with me. In fact, I have his litter-mate, Dmitri, who sometimes does things that only Yuri used to do. I also speak with Yuri everyday. The connection's still there .... but, God, do I miss his physical presence. Melinda, you were so right when you said that hemangio seems to strike the "once in a lifetime heart dog." Yuri and I are so close, it's as though we are one. I don't think I'll ever be that close to another being. Oh, and the guilt around not having this kind of connection with Dmitri. I love Dmitri dearly, but it's not the same as it was with Yuri. Our love was and is extra special. I love him with every fiber of my being. My heart goes out to all of you. At some point you will be able to think of your friends without crying. Memories of them will bring a smile to your face. We all reach that point in our own time. But even then, there are times when we still cry. Joan
|
| Jan 01/28/06 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma
The original hemangiosarcoma thread that was started by Joan is in the 2005 archives.
Archiving happens automatically, or when Anne gets really tired of how long a huge thread has been hanging on. Jan
Anne's note while editing this webpage: after reading other
Archived hemangiosarcoma threads, I see
why many regard it as a tragic, unexplainable epidemic and (like you)
learned much from Ginger's page at eattheapple.com/ginger
|
| Jennifer 01/29/06 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma
Thanks, Jan, for the info.
Joan,
I understand -- we all do. Freddy IS my heart. I say good morning to him
and goodnight to him ever day. I talk to him. I fully credit him with
sending me the two new dogs. I do not feel guilty about not having the
bond with my others, that once-in-a-lifetime dog bond is just
that, once. Freddy came along and helped me form as a person. He opened
doors and started me (and my husband) on a path. No other dog will have
that unique place in our lives. I love my dogs with all my heart but
only Freddy had that deeper purpose, that soul that connected with
mine. Even the way he came into my life, against all odds (I will
write that up someday). I look at his pictures (there are over
100 framed in our home) and say, "God, I'd give it ALL to have him
back." He is my life dog and he lives in every aspect of my being and
my life. Every day, non-stop. Yuri does the same in you. Peace, |
| Barbara 02/01/06 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma Hello everyone,
First of all, I am so deeply sorry for those of you who have lost your best
friends. My heart aches for you and I am praying for peace and comfort
for all of you (and myself!). My 10 yr old beagle Carmine was diagnosed
with a splenic hemangiosarcoma on Jan 27. We brought him to the vet on
Sat. Jan 14 and she took blood and x-rays. Then my world as I knew it
turned upside down when our vet said it wasn't good and I could see that
she had been crying.
My husband and I are particularly close to our vet
since she saved Carmine's life when he was just 6 months old when she
was just a vet tech in our emergency clinic around the corner from our
home. She went to school and came back as a doctor in the same practice
that we've always gone to. She said it looked like Carmine had a tumor
on his spleen and that he had to have surgery on Monday. Well, we were
devastated! We didn't think he'd make it through the weekend.
He was so
tired and pathetic. We cried the entire weekend and when I wasn't
crying or praying, I was on the internet trying to find out all I could
about cancer in dogs. It's terrible that we had to wait 10 excruciating
days, but to get the news of splenic hemangiosarcoma was almost
more than I could bear. I'm glad that I'm not the only one thinking, "OK
small dog, he'll live longer." I always thought he'd live to
be 14 or 15 and die of old age, sound familiar? Boy was I naive.
Carmine made it through the surgery and so far is doing pretty good.
I've changed his food to Innova EVO and usually add boiled chicken or
organic beef to it. I found something called K-9 immunity on the
internet and got those capsules the day after his surgery and he's been
taking them ever since. He has a great appetite, stills wants to walk
around the neighborhood and sort of seems like his old self, just seems
a bit tired. Our vet tried to refer us to a vet oncologist just to get
info on chemo or radiation, but she didn't seems too hopeful. Carmine
had three huge tumors on his spleen and they appeared distorted or
ruptured. I have no idea what stage he's in, but if the oncology vet
didn't even want to see us, it can't be good. I feel like I'm in a bad
dream.
Jennifer, Melinda, I hope you ladies are doing well and can help
me get through this. I can't stop crying.
Peace and love, |
| Ellen 02/01/06 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma Barbara, I'm sorry to hear about Carmine's illness. I, too, went through exactly the same thing almost two months ago. It's weird that everything you mentioned here matched what I went through with my baby, Nikki, so precisely. I calculated the number of days between each event that you indicated. Those were the same numbers of days as the events that Nikki experienced. Unfortunately, Nikki couldn't wait long enough to make it to our oncologist's appointment. We all understand how you feel right now. I know this is easier said than done, but I still have to ask you to be strong. Carmine will pick up your emotions. During the month that I was taking care of Nikki, many unexplainable events happened. I truly think that our babies really understand everything we say and feel. They just can't express their understanding the same way we do. Anyway, I'll tell you more about the strange "coincidences" another time. Carmine needs you to be strong for him right now. You never know. He can be another miracle dog. Hugs and kisses to Carmine, |
| Ellen 02/01/06 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma Jennifer and Joan, Like both of you, I talk to Nikki everyday. I still have three other dogs (Nikki's parents and sister). However, the bond between me and each one of them is different. It was especially hard for me because I took responsibility of caring for Nikki the entire time he was sick. Literally, I didn't leave his side for two weeks during winter vacation (I'm a teacher). I declined all of Christmas and New Year's Eve celebrations and a birthday party for a close friend so I could standby in case something happened. When Nikki passed, I felt so lost because there was no longer a schedule to follow for his meds and no more making his special food. There was no more of making sure that Nikki wasn't jumping on and off the sofa. I had studied every single sheet of the doctor's diagnoses and all medical records and the x-rays from the vets, radiologists, and every medical staff who were involved. Right now, I'm just hanging onto the good memories and the laughters that Nikki had left behind. I visited Dog Beach where I scattered Nikki's ashes on Sunday. I still cry. Although I know he is in a better place now, I still wish that Nikki would be waiting for me one day when I come home. I hope everything will get easier for all of us as time passes. Love and support, |
| Melinda 02/01/06 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma Well,
my sister left today. She had been here since December. I have been
reading all the posts here but have not kept up with other lists so I
have not learned anything new about our horrible cancer. Frieda has
recovered as much as I think she can from the stroke. Do you know she
still looks for Tucker? A few days ago I found out he won a photo
contest I entered back in October before he passed away. The First
Place prize arrived today.
I am glad some of you that have joined are
beating this. You just have to. The grief of losing them is just too
much. I wish I knew, and had assurance that I would see Tucker again.
Weird as it seems, losing my buddy has changed me forever, it left that
huge of a hole. So sorry for us all. |
| Jennifer 02/02/06 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma Barbara, I am praying for little Carmine (what an adorable name for an adorable boy). You are doing everything you can and being a wonderful mommy. Keep up your strength for you and for Carmine, they CAN sense our emotions. And you must remain strong. When Freddy was sick, I didn't pray for a miracle, I think I knew better. I prayed for the wisdom to make the best decisions for Freddy and to handle whatever was to come. As horrible and unfair as it may be, chances are we will lose our pets long before we are called home ourselves. It is the ironic, inherent tragedy that is loving an animal. But we all know it is worth it. What is the alternative? To live without knowing the joy and love of a dog? That's not living, at least to me. I guess what i am trying to say in the hope it helps you in some small way is to persevere and try to be strong and use your faith to build your strength and fortitude for what the future holds. Miracle stories for HSA are few and far between, but there is no reason Carmine can't be among them. Balance that hope --it is normal and human-- with the presence of mind to manage each day the best you can and stay grounded for Carmine and yourself. LIVE EACH DAY to its fullest with him as you are, breath him in and spend as much time with him as possible. Take pictures --LOTS of them, and get one of those footprint kits-- I did and have Freddy's paws (and Elmo's too) imprinted on a plaque. The Harriet Carter catalogue has them, the URL is http://www.harrietcarter.com/Detail.cfm?prod=1809&UDC=Y When the time comes for Carmine to pass on, you will survive, there is no other choice. Lean on those close to you and come here and let it all out. There are also boards just for pet loss (lightening-strike.com is one I post on). Do a google and find one you like. See a therapist if you need to, I did for a couple of sessions. Grieve. Cry. And never cease to find joy in the life you and Carmine shared that is everlasting and nothing, not even cancer, can take that from you. Melinda, glad to hear Frieda is on the mend. My heart is heavy reading about how you are struggling with your grief. I wish I could help you. Have you thought about talking to someone? I am not a huge "psycho babble" person but a good (emphasis on GOOD) therapist with experience in grief counseling can really help. There is also a pet loss support group at one of the local rescue groups around here, look for one in your area. You might find it incredibly cathartic to be among people who understand your pain and hurt so badly, they seek solace as you do.
Ellen,
Nikki is ever present and everlasting, as is Freddy and all the
babies who have passed on from this life. I believe it. Losing Freddy
has changed me, too, forever. My grief for him is constant. I close my
eyes and inhale and recall his sweet smell and my heart winces. I cry
often in the car in the morning as I sit in traffic and think all about
him... my time each day to think about him and savor his magnificence.
His gifts to me continue even in his passing. I am closer to my mom
than ever before, I have a renewed faith and I feel my life has more
meaning. I do more rescue work and I try to help others more. Try to
find something of joy in your loss, animals gift us their whole
lives, even as we learn the tragic lessons of their loss.
You are all in my thoughts and prayers. With love and hope, |
| Barbara 02/03/06 |
In response to: 11 yr old mixed breed terrier with hemangiosarcoma Jennifer, Your eloquent words comforted me so much and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I had a particularly bad day when I posted and I know that it came out in my words. That day we visited a park that my husband and I used to take Carmine to when he was younger and was remembering all the weekends we spent together walking the trails, running around as puppies do, and learning new things together. You see, at 34, Carmine was the first dog I had ever owned so we share a uniquely special bond and those first couple of years were truly magical for me. I am praying for the strength, wisdom and yes, grace to handle this, not a miracle. I too know better than to hope for that. I am truly trying ( and most of the time succeeding) in savoring each moment, hour and day with Carmine. Yes, that's my husband's humor coming through as he named Carmine and brought him home to me for our anniversary in 1995. Two years later we got Lucca (pronounced Lew-ka)and he was named for a character in the movie The Godfather. Yes indeed, my life is full of moments of humor with all my boys - husband included! I know that they can sense our emotions so I am careful not to cry too much in front of him. I try to keep my voice happy. I have friends and family and those of you here praying for me and I know we'll get through it. You're right, we must, what other choice do we have. I also agree that a life without experiencing the love of an animal is a great loss. Once again I feel extremely blessed to have had so much joy, so much love and so much happiness during my time with Carmine and Lucca. They make each day worth living that's for sure. But I do know that there are so many others out there who never get the chance to get that love, so I hope and pray that my husband and I will keep our hearts open to the possibilities that await us in the future. Ellen, thank you also for your kind words and prayers and I am so sorry for your Nikki as well. As I mentioned, I am trying to take it one day at a time. P.S. Carmine thanks you too for the hugs and kisses. When my husband comes home each night from work, Carmine runs to the garage door and does his "beagle bray" of happiness, (along with Lucca too of course). (Is there a sweeter sound in the whole world?) I have a small tape recorder and have taped several of those and will fix the tape recorder so they can never be erased. We are also taking lots of pictures and the footprint kit is a great idea as well. Thanks! Jan, thank you for this website, and to all of you for letting me vent. I'll keep you posted on our progress. Peace and love,
|
The vast amount of literature available about NDEs
(Near Death Experiences) and ADCs (After Death Communications)
supports the belief that our loved ones
"on the other side" are safe, happy and healthy --
and want us to know and affirmatively keep that in mind.
These books talk about the eternal bond of love we have with pets, too.
They are with us, watch over us and just want us to be happy.
Hello From Heaven by Bill Guggenheim & Judy Guggenheim
(Bantam Books Paperback) $7.99 U.S. / $11.99 CAN
Talking To Heaven by James Van Praagh (Signet/Penguin Paperback)
$7.99 U.S. / $10.99 CAN
We Are Not Forgotten: George Anderson's Messages Of Love and Hope From
The Other Side, by Joel Martin and Patricia Romanowski
(Berkley/Penguin Paperback) $7.99 U.S. / $11.99 CAN